PainRegretHeartbreak
by TheFabDonna
Summary: A two piece I wrote last summer, about what could happen after a potential Taylor/Rick break-up. I soo forsaw it, it kills me to say it but I did .
1. Taylor's POV

Taylor entered Insomnia; she had walking all over town pretending to look for Steffy, even though she knew quite well that she was down at the beach with Marcus. It was just that ever since she broke off the engagement to Rick almost a month ago she had been looking desperately for something or someone to fill the void in her heart. She had realized how lonely she was without him, especially on nights like this one. Nights when Jack were with Nick & Bridget, and not with her. If she had Jack, he kept her occupied, and she could go all day and sometimes even the whole night without thinking about Rick and simply focusing 100% on being Jack's mother. But when she didn't have him…. She was all alone, and she couldn't take. That's why she went out, pretending to look for Steffy or Phoebe depending on what they were doing that night. And that's when she heard him, for the first time in weeks, but he wasn't saying something to her, he wasn't talking, no he was singing. Singing to her.

_One day to long I've been missing you_

_Two days have gone since I've heard your voice_

_I've lost track of time since _

_I've seen your smile or tasted your kiss_

Immediately she knew he had seen her coming, why else would he be singing like that, in a way she knew was for her, and she knew he was singing not because he wanted to, or because he loved it. No, he sang because he wanted HER, because he loved HER. And just like that she felt the pain in her heart again. The pain that she had felt pretty much non-stop for the past month. Ever since… no it was too painful to even think about what she had done that night, and how much had changed because of it. Part of her regretted it every day, at the same time she knew it was the only thing she could have done. It just had to be that way, no matter how much it hurt.

_One step, One life I count in my mind  
Just settle down baby I promise so will__ I_

_I've lost track of time_

_Since I've seen your smile or tasted your kiss_

Taylor looked up at the stage, and straight into Rick's eyes and she saw the love and it was still so strong that she had to look away, because his love was too much for her and she knew that if she looked at him longer she would get caught up in the love she still felt for him, the love she knew she would always feel. A love that was stronger than anything she had ever shared with anyone, stronger than Storm, stronger than Thorne, even stronger than Nick and Ridge. It was a love stronger than anything she had ever felt, maybe with the exception of the one she has for her children. And Rick had understood that, and he had been so great with Jack. Like a father to him, the same his sister had been like a mother to him. Maybe it wasn't the most normal family, but it had been an amazing one, at least for the little time it lasted.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

She still loved the sound of his voice, the way he had the ability to sing just to her, even in a room crowded with other people. The way she could just listen, and enjoy. But this time, it wasn't like the other times he had sung for her, no this time he sang with such an emotion that it swept her of her feet. This time he sang with heartbreak in his voice that she knew she was responsible for. It hurt to hear him sing like that, to her in such a way. The way he laid his soul out there, for everyone to hear. But maybe especially for her to hear, she knew he wanted her to know how much he missed her and how much he still loved her. She knew that the only reason he was up there singing was because it was easier for him to say those words that way, than to look her in the eyes and tell them to her.

_The shape of your shadow dances on the wall_

_We're two broken leaves drifting in the fall_

_I've lost track of time_

_Since I've seen your smile or tasted your kiss_

Gad, how she loved that man yet she had let him go. It had seemed like the right thing to do, even if Steffy had to call Nick and ask him to take Jack that whole week, even she was supposed to pick him up that Wednesday, because Taylor herself had sat in her room crying the whole week. And Steffy didn't want Brooke to have more reasons for hating her mother. So she had told Nick that Taylor thought it would be a good idea if Nick, Bridget and Jack went on their first real big trip on the Marlin. Just to make sure that no one ever had an excuse to call her mother a bad mother ever again. Taylor had picked up Jack that Monday like nothing had happened the last week, and that there was no particular reason for why she had chosen exactly that week to let Jack spend with his father and step-mother. It had actually taken almost a week and a half before everyone knew it. And that had been good for Taylor; it had given her some time to process what happened and to make sense of it. Not that it did, she still couldn't quite understand why she felt like the only way was to end the relationship with Rick but …

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

Taylor tried to recall the last time they were happy, planning their wedding which was supposed to be next Thursday, but the only thing she could see was the look on Rick's face when she told him it was over. And the hard part was not telling him why, she just couldn't tell him why. So, she just stood there, in front of him crying, trying to say something to him that would make sense, but nothing really did. It didn't matter how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, it didn't matter that she loved him more than anyone ever before. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Nothing but the look on Rick's face seemed to matter. The utter despair when he realized what just happened, he just stood there with the ring in his hand and he was crying. Taylor had never seen Rick cry before, but he did just then. He cried for the life she was turning her back on, the life they now never would have.

_I woke up wondering…what am I doing?_

_Living and breathing without you_

_I can't go on, living and breathing_

_Just believing dreams do come true_

Uh, how she wished Rick hadn't stolen her heart the way he had. How she wished she didn't love him as much as she did. But there was just no way out, she couldn't escape it, his love, the feeling that he was watching over her the same way he had done when they first had started doing what the hell they were doing back then, dating wouldn't really be the right world. More like falling in love under strange circumstances. It was like he was still there for her, everyday, keeping her from falling apart that same way she had after she lost Nick, and then Jack. She hadn't even gone near alcohol again. The thought hadn't even occurred to her. Not after the way Rick helped her get past her drinking the last time, not after everything he had done for her. Not after he had saved her. If she drank again, it would be like saying that what Rick did for her didn't matter and it did. More than anything.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

She looked at him again, but this time, she didn't look away. She wanted to see the passion and the heartbreak in his eyes, and more than that, it was like a part of her needed to see it, the passion and especially the heartbreak. And was like she needed to realize the biggest mistake of her life, realize that she had let the best thing that ever happened to her go. She needed to see the love, compassion and underlining trust that she knew was there. She tried to smile at him, but it didn't work. The only one who actually could make her smile lately had been Jack, because of some insane reason she saw something of Rick in Jack (It probably came from the fact that they had the same biological mother, but Taylor didn't like to think of that.) So, smiling to Rick just didn't work, not today.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

Taylor heard clapping and suddenly remembered that there was more people in the room than just her and Rick. Her heart had none the less been touched by the song he had song for her, only for her, no matter how many people were in the room. And as much as she wanted to run over to him and kiss him to the end of the world, she couldn't. She wanted to go over there and tell him that she loved him, but she couldn't. Instead she picked up the nearest napkin and scribbled something on it. When she raised her head she saw that he was coming towards her, however very slowly, but their eyes met and for an instant, a tiny moment she almost changed her mind, but she didn't. Instead she turned around, and walked out the door and away from him once again, hoping that next time it would be easier to walk away, or that next time she would have the courage to do what she really wanted to do, kiss and make up.


	2. Rick's POV

Rick sat at Insomnia drinking his coffee, looking down, as he had done every day for the past month, ever since Taylor broke off the engagement. All he had been trying to do was forget her, get over her. He had even almost slept with a girl two nights after they had broken up, simply because she looked like younger version of Taylor. The only reason he didn't sleep with her was that the girl had kicked him of her after he accidently called her "Taylor". Apparently, getting over and forgetting Taylor Hamillton Hayes, the woman he had planned to spend the rest of his life with wasn't going to be that easy. Then he saw her, she was coming in the front door. "She is probably looking for Steffy or Phoebe" he thought to himself, but then a thought formed in his head, and he knew he could pull it off. He jumped on stage, like it was something he did every day, grabbed the mic and started to sing:

_One day to long I've been missing you_

_Two days have gone since I've heard your voice_

_I've lost track of time since _

_I've seen your smile or tasted your kiss_

He had written that song to her the week after she ended it, when he started to realize that maybe this time she wasn't coming back to him. That this time she wouldn't realize that letting him go would be the biggest mistake of her life. He hated the idea of spending his life without her, and he wanted to hate her, but he couldn't. Especially not after Steffy had come to talk to him four days after the fact, and told him that Taylor had locked herself into her room ever since he left and that she could hear her cry to through the door, she had asked him if he could talk to her, and he had tried. He had gotten himself the whole way to her front door before he turned and left again. He just couldn't face her, it was too soon. And just the image of Taylor alone, in her room crying, so vulnerable, was enough to break his heart all over again.

_One step, One life I count in my mind  
Just settle down baby I promise so will__ I_

_I've lost track of time_

_Since I've seen your smile or tasted your kiss_

She looked up on the stage and their eyes locked for an instant before she turned away again and then Rick came to the sudden realization of how lonely he was without her. Nobody in his family had liked his engagement to Taylor, and even if they tried to be there for him, they all had this "I told you so" look on their faces and that was the last thing he needed. He didn't even feel like he could talk to Bridget, not when she had her plate full with her own drama. His family always had their plates filled with drama, and he didn't really have anybody else. He really missed Taylor, almost as much as he loved her. The way the connected on a deeper level than anything he had ever experienced. He looked at her, even if her head was turned away from him and he knew he would never ever find anyone like Taylor ever again.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

He could even hear the heartbreak in his own voice, and it scared the hell out of him. The fact that someone could break his heart in such a way that he could hear it himself in his voice when he sang, it was clear that Taylor had reached a place in his heart that nobody had been before. And when she ended it, it wasn't like the other people. Sure, he'd loved Phoebe, he'd loved Amber, heck maybe he'd even almost loved Ashley. But Taylor, she was something else. He'd never believed in true love, soul mates or that one big love. Mostly because of his mother's inability to chose between Nick and Ridge and all the other men in her life. He had never seen one relationship last, and he had pretty much stopped believing. Then Taylor came, and she changed everything he had ever believed in when the last thing he ever expected happened, he fell in love with her. And suddenly soul mates, true love and that great love didn't seem so unlikely anymore. He'd seen marriages fail; he even had a failed one on his record himself. But with Taylor, it had been different. He was so sure she was the one. That she was it for him.

_The shape of your shadow dances on the wall_

_We're two broken leaves drifting in the fall_

_I've lost track of time_

_Since I've seen your smile or tasted your kiss_

He had been in a pretty dark place when he wrote this, and in many ways he still was. He knew Taylor would always be a huge part of him, of who he was. He had been willing to throw away everything for her, and in many ways he had. His whole family had turned his back on him when he had chosen her, well all except from his father and Bridget. But he loved her with his whole heart, and he knew that if his family didn't accept that it would be their problem, NOT his. Everybody thought he had rushed things with Taylor, that he was moving too fast forward. That he should take things slower, yet he had troubles remembering a time where he didn't love Taylor, a time where she wasn't a big part of his life. He really had made Taylor the center of his universe, and now without her. He was so empty without her.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

He remembered the morning after the break-up; it kept playing in his head, along with the actual breakup itself. He had crashed at Marcus' place but it had taken him a while before he realized just where he was, and why Taylor wasn't next to him, why he couldn't kiss her good morning. He was thankful that his cousin/step-brother hadn't asked him too many questions when he stood at his doorstep asking if he could crash for a few days. Same with Steffy when he had told her that she maybe should go home to her mother, she probably needed her. He had stayed with Marcus for two whole days before he asked him what happened. The problem was, he didn't know what happened, he still didn't know. One minute they were deciding on the flower arrangements for the wedding and the next moment Taylor stood in front of him, crying and he had her ring in his hand.

_I woke up wondering…what am I doing?_

_Living and breathing without you_

_I can't go on, living and breathing_

_Just believing dreams do come true_

He still dreamt about Taylor, something close to every night. He dreamt of their wedding and their life together. And once in a while a brown-haired girl with gorgeous blue eyes, who answered to the name, Haley, their little girl. He wanted that life with Taylor, heck he wanted Taylor. He wanted more than anything to be her husband, and a father to Jack. To give Jack the family he deserved, the stability he never had growing up thanks to his mother, and her inability to stay with one guy. Yet, every time he dreamt of her, and Haley, he woke up happy because every part of him wanted to believe it was true, so when he wakes up just for one single moment he believed it was. Then he turned around and realized that Taylor wasn't lying next to him, and Haley wouldn't be coming running in the room yelling "Mommy, mommy. Jack and I want pancakes, can you make them? Pleeeeease?!" and his heart broke all over again. He had thought it would get easier to wake up without her, but it didn't. It just got worse, if that was even possible. Time didn't seem to heal all wounds after all, all it did was make him want Taylor even more.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

Her eyes found his again, but this time she didn't turn away. And for a split second he considered turning away himself, because looking in to her eyes where bringing back memories he wasn't sure he could deal with right now, when he was up on stage singing in front of the crowd, but he couldn't it turn away. He was captured by her beauty and her grace as he always was. He loved her so much. But when she looked into his eyes like she did right now, all he could see was her face, and the tears that were running down it the night she ended it. And he wondered if it would ever be easier to see her, and how he would react if he saw her with someone else, someone that was not him. He shook the thought of Taylor with someone else right out of his head again. He couldn't deal with it, not when he still thought of Taylor has his, and the thought of someone else touching her. No, he just didn't want to even go there.

_Smoke on the horizon, late in the afternoon_

_Sunlight in my eyes, and I wake up to soon_

_I fall down inside when I realize_

_Morning has come and we're still undone_

He finished the song and heard the applause but he didn't care about that. It wasn't like he was singing to them anyway; he was singing to her, everybody else just happened to be there for the ride. He walked off the stage, and looked for her, hoping she would stick around. Hoping she got the message of the song, that he wanted her back. He also hoped that he would have the courage to talk to her first the first time in weeks, the only time they had talked and it hadn't been more than a "Hi." Before they ran their separate ways were at Steffy and Phoebe birthday party which he had attended, just because Marcus had pretty much begged him to come, plus he still cared about Phoebe a lot, he had known he would run into Taylor at some point. She was after all their mother and he knew it would be painful, but it seemed like neither one of them was really ready to talk about it yet, so it had just become awkward and uncomfortable. He grabbed the chain he was wearing around his neck with Taylor's ring on, which he had been wearing there ever since he got it back, partly to feel close to Taylor and partly because he wanted to have it with him in case he was lucky enough to put it back on her finger again. Then he saw her, by one of the tables. It looked like she was writing something on a piece of paper or possibly on a napkin. He walked towards her, however it was very slowly. She looked up and their eyes met. He took one step forward hoping she wouldn't run away again. Hoping she was ready. But she wasn't, or at least it seemed like she wasn't as she was already on her way out the door, but Rick could swear she was crying. He wanted to run after, wipe her tears away and tell her it would be alright, instead he walked over to the table to find out what she had written, he knew it was for him. He picked it up and started to read it:

_Rick,_

_Loving you were easy, it's letting go that hurts. _

_Taylor_

And as he read it, he felt a single tear fall down his cheek.


End file.
